Don't Be Shy
by Cheeseburger of Doom
Summary: Why is it that I fell for him, anyway? Hayate...
1. Default Chapter

A/N and Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Except for the large stuffed ostrich. This fic is a little AU, but that's hardly avoidable in fanfiction anyway. Maybe there wasn't any solid evidence in the show that Kei would feel like this, but...In any case, please enjoy.

Er...shounen-ai warning. Although this is really, really, reeeeeally mild.

Don't Be Shy

I can't help it. I've always been like this. I set myself up for disappointment, and I somehow always manage to ensure the worst possible outcome in any situation. When my heart is involved, anyway.

Years ago, I should have realized that it was hopeless. Then, I would have given up...

Who am I kidding? I always knew it was hopeless, but I still couldn't give it up.

Why is it that I fell for him, anyway?

Hayate...

~~~~~

I like working. It takes my mind off of my life.

My life isn't that bad, really. Being a Leafe knight is something that I can be proud of. I have the power to save the world. Not many people can say that.

I'm the worst when it comes to emotions, though. I'm anti-social, and I have a feeling that I'm unapproachable, since not many people have ever approached me. Himeno and Goh are the only ones I can think of who have ever tried to have a decent conversation with me.

I like Himeno, even though I'm jealous of her. There's no way I would even try to break those two up; Hayate and Himeno were made for each other. Not that I really believe in destiny, but they're almost too perfect together.

Still, I can't help wanting Hayate anyway. I've known him a long time, and he's...Really an amazing person.

I have to stop thinking about him!

I like working. I like video games. I know that I'm brilliant -- and yes, I have an ego, but so do a lot of people. Just because I post a lot of pictures of myself in my office, people seem to think I'm self-absorbed.

Well, maybe I am.

This is never going to get done if I don't start working on it soon. I'll just finish...

Why is it that someone always comes to the door when I'm about to work? Who is it now? I don't want to talk to any more potential buyers...

"What?" I open the door. It's Goh.

He comes here a lot, these days. I'm not sure why; I'm not very good company, and I know it.

"Are you busy, Kei?"

"Yes."

"Oh..."

Goh should know better. I am always busy, even when I'm not. This computer of mine is a beautiful invention; I can look busy while doing nothing. I always pretend that I'm busy so that hopefully I won't have to deal with people.

Anti-social to the end.

"Sorry. I...Sorry."

That guy is getting increasingly frustrating. I never know what he's talking about or apologizing for, because he never finishes a sentence. I hate that.

"I'll just go now."

"Wait a minute, Goh." If I look like I'm listening, maybe he will explain himself for once. I need to work on my facial expressions. I always look bored, even when I really _am_ listening. Right now, I would actually like to hear what he has to say.

It would be a miracle if he speaks, though.

"Why did you come here, even though you knew I would be busy?"

There. Now, if he doesn't answer my question, I can throw him out the window.

"Just to see you. To talk."

Now he's talking in fragments.

To talk? What about? The injustices of life? I can tell that he's pining over someone; he has that same look in his eye that I do.

Wanting someone you're sure you can never have, it hurts, doesn't it?

Who wants to talk about that?

I'm not much of a conversationalist, on any topic.

Goh looks unsure of how to answer.

I like Goh, I really do, but sometimes I want to strangle him. I want to know what he's thinking. That look on his face, it's intriguing. I've known him as long as Hayate, but I don't understand him very well. I've never really taken the time to try. People aren't my strong point. I prefer computers.

"Kei...Is there someone you...like?"

This guy. He's so...naive? Innocent? I don't know the word. The way he goes about things, the way he asks a question...It's cute.

"Yes, but that person doesn't _like_ me." I try not to sound too bitter...But that is something I always fail at, since my voice tends to be monotone.

"Who is it?"

"I really don't want to say." I sigh.

I think that I trust Goh not to tell Hayate, but I really don't want anyone else to know...I really don't want to take the chance. Maybe I haven't got enough faith in other humans.

"There's someone I like, too." Goh looks like he's on the verge of a ground-breaking revelation. For some reason...I feel...anxious?

"But he wants someone else."

"He?" I never thought that Goh was the type. He likes to chase girls. I thought for sure he had a little crush on Himeno at one point.

"Does he know?" I ask. I'm curious. I can be very curious, when I pay attention.

"No, I don't think he could guess." Goh looks like he's been rejected.

By who, though?

Could it be that he...?

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Do you think I should?" Goh looks hopeful. My guess must be right.

"Yes, then maybe that person could respond."

That answer is surprising. I can hardly believe I just said that! I've never thought of Goh in that way before. He's not really my type...I prefer the tall, dark and handsome...Well, he's not really short, and he's dark, but...

Okay, so I've always preferred Hayate.

But Goh, he's been a good friend all along...Why haven't I considered it before?

Maybe I've been pining over Hayate because I _can't_ have him, and that way I can continue to be anti-social.

It's getting kind of lonely this way, though.

"Kei..."

"Is it me, Goh?" If I don't prompt him, then he'll never say anything.

I find myself hoping he'll say yes, now.

I think I'm lonelier than I realized.

"Yeah."

He's blushing.

Kawaii.

"Goh." What should I say now? That I'm still lusting after Hayate, and I'm confused as to what to do next?

"Are you lonely, Goh?" I finally ask.

"Not for lack of friends." Goh's reply is accompanied by another blush.

"I know what you mean." I smile at him. I don't smile often...Goh seems to have that effect on me, now that I think about it.

"I don't know, Goh. I have to think about this." 

I need to do _a lot _of thinking. There are things I have to think about that I never guessed I'd ever _want_ to think about.

"Yeah." Goh looks awkward now. I shoo him away. 

"We'll talk later," I promise.

I won't be doing any work today, I'm guessing.

That frustrating guy always has a habit of annoying me when I least expect it. 

I think I enjoy it.

~~~~~


	2. Part 2

A/N and Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. But you already knew that. The shounen-ai in this chapter is...more descriptive. (Please, stop thanking me...lol) Ah yes, and we've switched over to Goh's POV now, so that we can gain some insight as to what's going on in that cute liddle head of his. (I'm talking about his brain, people...come on, don't be so sick)

Don't Be Shy

PART 2

It's really weird; this whole situation. Weird in a good way, though.

Somehow he managed to drag out of me the fact that I like him, and now, here we are--on a date. I know I'm not the one he's been wanting, but I...

I could make him happy.

At least, I hope I could.

His smile is so beautiful. I've always thought that. Now it's directed at me, and I'm thrilled. I've made him smile before (I'm proud that I'm one of the only ones who can get a smile out of him), but it's different now, somehow. The smile is so much...warmer.

I don't know why I chose to come here, of all places. Kei doesn't really seem like the kind of person who would enjoy sitting and looking out at the water, but...I didn't know what else to do. I wanted to be the one to take *him* out, since I've been in love with him for so long. I wanted to make this a special night...

He seems to enjoy this little restaurant anyway, even though I was afraid he wouldn't. Maybe something in me knew that he would, and that's why I chose it.

Well, whatever, as long as he's enjoying himself.

But what if he isn't? 

I have to calm down, this is ridiculous.

I still don't understand Kei all that well. It looks like he's enjoying himself, but I'm not sure. He's really closed off, really anti-social. I've seen his emotional side a few times, and that's why I love him so much.

I don't know how I'm going to compete with that computer of his. He spends most of his time in his office. The office that's posted with pictures of himself. I find that adorable...His ego is something I love about him, because it's so...him. 

I'm not sure how I'm going to compete with Hayate, either. I know it's Hayate; it's painfully obvious. To me, at least, because I spend most of my time watching Kei. Of course I notice who he's gazing at and pining over...Even though he's really good at hiding it.

"Goh? You seem distracted."

"I just can't believe I'm here with you." It's true. Admitting it makes me blush, though. He seems to like it when I do that. At least, his smile gets a little wider every time I turn bright red.

"I never expected to be here with you, either."

Kei's so blunt...I flinch at his remark. It wasn't intended to sound cruel, I don't think, but it still smarts. He always imagined himself with Hayate, is what he means.

"Oh, no, I didn't mean *that*," Kei says, as though he can hear my thoughts. My face must give me away. He doesn't know I know who he really wants, but he knows that I know he wants someone else. 

It's so confusing, when I think about it...So maybe I'll stop thinking about it. Only I can't, because Kei is all I ever think about.

He's searching for words. I know he doesn't talk very much, to anybody. He prefers to be alone. He likes the quiet. I like the quiet too, but I prefer company...His company, to be exact. He always listens to me, no matter what stupid thing I have to say. He's given me good (but blunt) advice more than once. He even gave me love advice once or twice...The last love advice he gave me ended us both here.

I wonder what he thinks of me?

Maybe I should ask him...But I'm afraid of the answer.

He must like me a little bit, or else he wouldn't be here. He thought over what I said for a couple of days, then told me he was willing to give this a try...

And now he's smiling at me.

But can he really learn to love me, after wanting Hayate for so long?

I'm not as strong, or as smart, or as sexy as Hayate...What have I got that could make him love me?

The waiter looks impatient. I wonder how long he's been standing there. I didn't notice him get here; I've been too busy staring into Kei's pretty eyes, and thinking about him. I guess Kei didn't notice the waiter either. We both start coughing, and pick up the menus. I order first, since I've been here before and I know what I like. Kei orders the same thing as me, and smiles at me as he hands the waiter the menu back.

"What you ordered sounds good, so I'll have it too."

"Oh, it's good. It's what I always have," I admit.

"You come here often?"

"Yeah, I like it. It's a change from the restaurant I work at."

"You come here yourself?"

"There was never anyone to come with me." I look down. The only one I ever wanted to bring with me was Kei, and now...Here he is.

I feel his hand over mine on the table. 

"Goh...I'm happy I'm here with you now."

"So am I." Now it's my turn to smile, and I think that I'm blushing again, but I guess that's all right, since he likes it so much.

~~~~~

I've never been kissed before. This kiss is amazing. It seems like Kei's experienced, but I've never seen him with anyone...Maybe he's just a natural.

I hope I'm not too boring for him.

Well, I guess I'm not, or he would have left by now.

It was a beautiful evening; I'm sorry it's over. My first date wasn't what I thought it would be. It was far better.

This kiss...It's what I've been wanting for so long...

Kei pulls back, and his fingers brush my cheek.

I realize with embarrassment that I'm crying. I'm crying!

"Is something wrong?" Kei asks. He looks concerned.

"No...I'm just really happy," I reply quietly. I can't look him in the eye right now.

He tilts my chin up. "So am I." He leans in and kisses me again.

I want this to last forever.

Maybe it can, if I wish hard enough.

I want to tell him one day just how much I love him. I don't know how he'd respond, since I'm pretty sure he'll still want Hayate for a long time...If he ever stops wanting Hayate at all.

I hope that I can make him happy. I hope that I can help him heal...I want Kei to be mine. I want Kei to say that he loves me, and I want him to mean it...

So I'll keep wishing, and I'll try to make him happy.

He deserves that happiness, more than anyone.

~~~~~


	3. Part 3

A/N and Disclaimer: Nothing is miiiiine everything belongs to someone eellllse, bwahahaha...hahaha...hah...Er...This chapter goes back and forth between Kei and Goh, because...I felt like it. You can tell who's who without too much trouble. YAY!! Shounen-ai is strongest in this, the final chapter. Please enjoy this last instalment. I know I do.

Don't Be Shy

PART 3

I've been dating him for a while now, and every date is like a new adventure. He's the best thing that ever happened to me, and so I'm glad that I made him confess to me. When we hold hands, when we touch, when we kiss...When we're simply sitting next to each other...I've never felt anything like the feeling I get when I'm with Goh.

It's an addictive feeling...and it makes me want more.

I don't know how he feels about *that* though, and I'm afraid to ask.

I think he still thinks I'm in love with someone else...But I haven't thought about Hayate like that in so very long...It's Goh that I love. Should I tell him that? I don't know if he wants to hear it. I'm not sure how much he feels for me, or if he's getting tired of me, or...I don't know. For someone with an ego like mine...I'm pretty unsure of myself. Maybe that's part of what love is all about.

"Kei?"

I love the sound of Goh's voice. He's the most adorable thing alive, I swear he is. I can't get enough of him. I just want to...

I need to calm down.

"Yes?"

"Kei...I was just thinking about..."

"Thinking about what?"

"Um...never mind."

He always does this! It's frustrating...but still cute. It makes me want to...

Ah, I'm obsessed.

"No, you can tell me." We're sitting in the dark, watching the stars. The night is beautiful, and there's nowhere I'd rather be than in Goh's arms right now. It's funny how he's always the one holding me, when there's nothing I want more than to...

Stop thinking those kind of thoughts!

"Kei...Do you...If I told you that I..."

Goh is still so shy. We're good for each other that way...I'm too blunt, and he can never say anything.

"Told me that you what, Goh? Don't be shy." The three words I say to him the most.

"Kei...I love you."

I've known all along that he does, but hearing the words...It's so much sweeter. It gives me the courage to speak up as well.

"I love you too, Goh."

We're kissing again; but this time...The kiss means so much more, because we've both spoken our true feelings, and neither of us has to hold back.

~~~~~

Kei is so warm.

Could I have made him this way? He used to be so cold, so anti-social...I guess he still is, but whenever I'm with him, he's open, and loving, and...Just as beautiful as ever. I've opened up that side of him that he kept hidden away for so long. I love it so much.

Finally, I can tell him that.

I should have known that I could tell him anything.

I should have trusted him to return my feelings. Hearing those words...He loves *me*, not Hayate...me.

He's with me right now, not Hayate.

It's me that he's kissing; my neck that he's nipping. It's me that he wants right now.

I can tell that he really wants me, he's starting to go a little crazy.

It's okay though, because I want him just as badly. 

In the dark, it's hard to deny these kinds of feelings, especially after admitting that we both feel the same.

"I want you...Can I have you?" Kei whispers in my ear. I can barely hear him. I nod. He kisses me harder. 

So it's here that we will first make love; under the stars, by the light of the moon. It's better than anything I ever dreamed of.

It hurts, as he pushes inside; but I can take the pain, because after the pain...There's pleasure, and bliss, that I didn't know even existed. This feeling is something I've always wanted, but never thought I could have.

Kei is who I've always wanted, but never thought I could have.

And now he's making love to me, and I'm so very happy.

~~~~~

I'm lying beside him, and for once, he's in my arms. I guess that I'm in control tonight. The thought makes me want to laugh, but I think that would give Goh the wrong idea, since we've just had quite an experience. I don't want him to think I find him funny, because I don't.

I think he's wonderful.

"I love you," I say to him. I can say it first, now. I have the courage that's failed me before; I hope that I can hold on to it. I hope that I can stay with Goh...forever.

Forever is a long time...But I don't really think it's long enough.

He's stroking my hair. It feels so good. I love it when he does that. 

I've never felt so happy in my entire life.

I'm glad I made Goh confess. Every day, I'm grateful for his presence. 

I never thought that I could love someone so much.

"Kei..."

"Yes?"

"Um..."

"Goh, don't be shy."

We both chuckle.

"All right...Kei, can we...do this again? Sometime?"

"Why not right now?" I ask mischievously. I think I can see him grinning in the dark.

"Will we be together for a long time?" he asks, as I stroke his chest.

"A long, long time," I reply. Then there is no more time for words.

~~~~~

I'm glad that I confessed, and I'm glad that he realized his true feelings; and from now on, I'll try not to be shy.

We love each other so much, and it's the most wonderful thing that could have happened...

So from now on...

It'll be us, together...

I made him happy, and I'll continue to make him happy. I know now that I can do it, and I'm glad he gave me the chance; because he deserves it more than anyone else. He deserves all the happiness in the world...So I'll try and give it to him.

I'll be his forever if he wants me.

I hope he does.

~~~~~


End file.
